The Life and Lies of Max Carrigan
by Mrs. James Harold Potter
Summary: [Across the Universe] It was when they kissed though, that I finally realized what had been eating at me all these years. I was in love with him—Jude that is. Max reflects on his life. [Rated T for language.]


Disclaimer: I do not own Across the Universe of any property, character of it. Julie Taynor does. Nor do I own the music. That goes all to the Beatles.

**A/N: I must say that my main inspiration for writing this story goes comes completely from the ever-so-lovely, Reiya Inc. and her story, ****Sharks in the Water**

**Go read it! ( I can start by saying that I have never been, and never will be a Max/Jude shipper. I hate the idea of them. Nothing against slash, because its interesting to read nonetheless, but I feel at times, just like this, it is interesting to read. This is my take on ANY idea of a plausible Max/Jude. This is my interpretation, so no flaming.**

**And to Sara (you know who you are) whose ****DYING ****erm, I mean undying support for all my slashy fics has helped me through. Yes, I know how much you enjoyed those femmeslash stories. :P **

**But I will say this. I have never ever believed, nor do I think I ever will think that Max was interested in Jude, or other men for that matter. With my writing, whatever inspires me to write something a certain way—I will write it. I just thought that this would be a very creative way to write Max's perspective IF and only if he was actually interested in Jude.**

**Enjoy**

The Life and Lies of Max Carrigan

"_How's your life going?" _It was Sam the bartender who asked me that fucked up question as he passed me a shooter—the one with the matted blonde hair that sat in tufts on top of his head, never seeming to actually take the time to wash it. He was in his fifties, someone more than two times my age. I could do one of two things. Be perfectly honest—as if he'd want to hear it. Or I could tell him the covered up version—the one I always tell Jude and Lucy.

"You wanna hear about my life?" Max snorted.

I'll start by saying that my name is Max Carrigan. Growing up, I was always compared to my sisters, because I didn't show enough concern for school—or anything really. Just having a good time. So, over the years, I decided to let it go. By the age of thirteen, I truly didn't give a shit. I breezed my way through high school, causing shitloads of trouble, but nothing that I couldn't get over. I broke the hearts of maybe, three fourths of the girls, banging them all in the process.

High school ended. You would probably be in just as much of a state of shock as I was when my parents told me that I was going to Princeton. Those fucking Ivy leagues were just not up my alley, if you know where I'm coming from. The first weeks went by pretty quickly…in which I had cost my parents an extra couple hundred dollars for breaking windows, vandalizing school property, nothing that I couldn't handle.

Then I met him. I met Jude.

The circumstances under which I met my best friend were a bit strange. I had been running from the dean, because some me and some friends had bust a hole in his fucking window. Apparently, this was a big deal to some people. I didn't give a shit—just didn't want to get expelled and hear shit from my fucking parents. He let me in his room, and we smoked. He had a very dark sense of humor. My kind of guy. From what I could gather, he came from Liverpool to find the janitor—who was his father, who abandoned him and his _mum—_as he called it. But his _fucking _father? I thought that my life was fucked up—and then there was Jude.

We shared our stories over a pack of cigarettes, which as always had proven to calm my nerves. So, I invited him for Thanksgiving to see my dysfunctional family. It was better than facing it alone. Either way, I forewarned him that he was in for a hell of a ride. He seemed enthusiastic all the same. On our drive home towards Princeton, I had to pick up my sister, Lucy.

Now, of all my sisters—I would have to say that Lucy was the only person in my family that I give a shit about. She was always the one that kept my secrets. If she caught me drinking or smoking she would smirk and keep walking down the hall. I always liked Lucy best.

When we first arrived at the school, I did my glance over of all the girls, none of which, sadly, had tits. Not yet. Jude didn't seem to pay much attention though; I noticed the handsome sparkle in Jude's eyes as he stared at only one person. My sister.

I saw the way Lucy looked at him as well. She had never looked at her goddamned perfect boyfriend, Daniel that way. And she constantly gushed about how perfect he was to my mother. And yet—she hadn't ever had this look in her eyes. Like she had fallen under a spell. For Christ's sake, she introduced herself to Jude. Lucy never introduced herself. She was too shy.

We all moved in together, in this cramped apartment in New York. Jude and Lucy fell in love. Banged each other. _Shagged, _as Jude liked to put it. I put on a happy face, and yet—I couldn't have felt emptier. Maybe it was the fact that my best friend and my sister were in love—but I always thought it was something else. Something that I couldn't put my finger on.

Fast forward five years, and here I am. The night of their wedding. I should have been happy. But realization had struck me fucking hard. Too fucking hard to mention.

_A church. The last place I wanted to be right now. Under the eyes of God, let's just say—I felt like a piece of shit. Not to mention that my sister was getting married. To Jude, of all people._

_That familiar churning sensation burned in my stomach—the one that I could never manage to figure out where it came from. Then I looked up at Jude, who was grinning brilliantly at Lucy, who was simply beaming at him. I watched as they repeated their vows to each other, eyes brimming with tears. I still couldn't figure out this fucking anxiety._

_It was when they kissed though, that I finally realized what had been eating at me all these years. I was in love with him—Jude that is. I wanted to touch him the way Lucy did. Kiss him the way Lucy did. Smile at him the way Lucy did._

_But I didn't say anything. My expression stayed the same as the newlyweds approached me laughing and all touchy-feely, just like they always get. I made a joke, and worked my way over to the local bar, determined to drown my sorrows…and the vision of Jude's smile as he stared into Lucy's eyes…forever imprinted in my mind._

So here I was. A broken heart and two shots later, nothing was going to change. Jude could never know, nor could Lucy. Nor could anyone. Not even Sam the bartender, who had given me solace in his whiskey. I had been lying to myself all along.

But then again, wasn't my life always a lie? I lied to everyone around me to stay out of trouble. I lied to girls about loving them to get into their pants. I lied to my parents about doing drugs. I lied about everything. And still, I never managed to fully stay out of trouble, for here I was, getting drunk over it.

Sometimes I think that my life was a big fuck-over. That one day, I'm gonna wake up and realize that it all a dream. I'm sadly mistaken.

"How's my life going?" Max asked, taking another shot of whiskey, reeking of the smell. Sam nodded. "Pretty shitty if you ask me. But then again—my life is pure shit. You could write a book about it if you wanted…" he mused, the alcohol getting to his head, tears burning his eyes as the vision of Jude coming into his mind again. The man that would never love him in return. Not the way he wanted. "The Life and Lies of Max Carrigan." He chuckled, allowing tears to drip into his empty shooter.

"One percent life and ninety-nine percent lies. Its all fucking lies." he whispered, pushing the shooter towards the counter. Sam the bartender said nothing. Instead, Max replied calmly:

"Give me another five. I'm gonna be here for a while."


End file.
